For The Love Of Dog
My current fur babies - Deja, Ace, Molly
It's National Dog Day. I've had this post on my mind for quite some time, but, I've been so busy I haven't gotten to it. Blah, Blah, Blah. The TRUTH is that it's raw and a little scary for me to write this so that's why I've procrastinated.
This is a bit of a convoluted post so bear with me. I promise I'm getting to the dog part.
I'm a TCK - a third culture kid. It's a real thing. It basically means you lived a period of your life away from your native culture. I'm such a TCK that I don't even really have a native culture. Until my current post of Colorado, I had never lived anywhere more than 4 years.
I went to high school in Buenos Aires, Argentina. It was a memorable experience, to say the least. It's a hard thing - coming of age in a place that is not your own. When you have to leave, it's almost like you have to willfully leave a physical part of yourself behind. But, have to leave I did. My time was up, and I had to come back to my *native* country and move on with my life.
The thing is the moving on part was not so easy for me. I felt stuck. I was an American girl who didn't get a thing about other American kids. I was thrown into college with wonderful people who I absolutely did not understand at all.
It caused me to sink into a deep depression. The kind of depression where you question everything and wonder about your purpose in life - to the point of wondering if you even want to be alive.
And, that's where it feels sensitive to me. Because that's a pretty private emotion to admit publicly. But, I did, in fact, wonder that. I wondered - WHY? Why should I continue to live a life where I feel so terrible, where I feel like I don't have a place?
And, at the time I didn't have my current loves - my kids and doggies - my home. I just had a lot of pain. And that sucks. There are no two ways about that.
But, luckily for me, I was still in a space where I could make a list of things that make me feel happy to be here. That list was not long at the time, but it included - my mom & dad & bro & sis, the music of U2, sunny days, fall leaves, and dogs. Yep, you heard that right - dogs. At that moment, I thought, if I'm not here, I'll never get to hold a puppy again. Feel their sweet breath and racing heartbeat close to my body. Get to melt into that unconditional love and be the protector of something that trusts me so wholeheartedly. Get to watch them learn. Get to watch them grow.
It was what some people might call a divine moment or a moment of clarity. It grounded me into reality and made me realize I needed to seek help. (Aside: Whether or not you have something like that to make you realize you need help, please know there is always help out there for you no matter how bad or low you are feeling.)
My first sweet babies who have crossed the Rainbow Bridge - Bali & Moco.
I am not a religious woman. But, for some reason, I also don't think it's coincidental that dog is God spelled backward. Dogs are the closest thing to pure love I've ever experienced. My mantra is - dogs make life better. Sometimes, I think we almost don't deserve them. They are such examples of what love should be - kind, patient, energetic, fun, silly, naughty, unconditional and honored. Because I'm also now old enough to know that their love can't last forever, and it should never be taken for granted.
They are a gift. They have been my gift. They have literally saved my life. So, on National Dog Day, I'd like to take a moment to thank all the wagging butts that have made my life more colorful - Lady Autumn, Bali Bear, Mocochino Moir, Ace Rocky Star Moir, Molly Madison Monster Moir, and Déjà Vu Moir. I can never repay the debt I owe you. Thank you my sweet fur babies from the past, present, and future.
You are pure love embodied on earth even if you wake me up with your barking, poop on my floor, and eat my food when I turn my head from the table. May I be so lucky as to meet you again someday in the great beyond.
