Do You Listen To Your Heart?
Everywhere I turn I hear about self love
Maybe it is because one of my greatest challenges is loving myself. And, I need to hear about it everywhere. Maybe it is because everyone feels that way. Maybe it is because it sells books. I don’t know. But, it resonates. Facing yourself and loving yourself (for all that you are and are not) is not easy for me. It is a daily practice.
The first step is realizing you have the problem though.
Hi - my name is Jamie. I struggle with loving myself.
Now for the good news. I have been reading what experts have to say about it. Talking to some of the best people I could imagine to guide me on this journey. And, one very important thing has come to light. To begin to build an authentic self love practice you need to tune in to YOU.
A step in the right direction, even if it is a millimeter is still forward movement
Sometimes wisdom can be found in the strangest of places like pop music from the 80s. Specifically Roxette’s masterpiece - Listen To Your Heart - from the album Get Sharp! Who would have thought that a Swedish pop duo at the height of their fame in the decade of capitalistic hedonism and rampant consumerism would sing an ode to one of the best ways to truly honor and love yourself. But, sure enough they did.
“Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile. The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea. They’re swept away and nothing is what is seems, The feeling of belonging to your dreams. Listen to your heart when he’s calling for you. Listen to your heart there’s nothing else you can do.”
Over the last two years in my quest to become a healthier person, I’ve started to do just that. I have started to listen to what my feelings are trying to tell me. Instead of pretending that they are wayward, potentially homicidal hitchhikers I can’t even make eye contact with on the side of the road so I blow past them doing 140 mph.
Don’t make eye contact. Don’t make eye contact. Do not make eye contact. Crap, we locked eyes.
Many women (especially moms) treat their feelings like an afterthought. In particular those feelings directly tied to needs, wants, and desires. And, if they aren’t afterthoughts they can quickly get batted aside as silly, overly emotional, crazy, unrealistic, or shameful. Oftentimes, we are told indirectly and directly to power forward at all costs. Having time to register and process a rich inner emotional life doesn’t usually make the list when there are dinners to be made, soccer practices and piano lessons to go to, laundry to fold, spouses to watch GOT with, and preparing for the important work presentation the next day. But, those feelings of ours are trying to tell us something. And, we should listen!
Now, I’m not suggesting that everyone go around acting out or reacting to every feeling all the time. We are grown adults not toddlers But, I AM advocating for carving out a little bit of time in life to sit and feel the feels even if it is scary - like one of those ghostly hitchhikers of urban legend fame that appears out of the mist in front of a car on a deserted road at night.
When you ignore your feelings for too long, they can take you by surprise and end up popping up in weird, semi-scary places - alright - terrifying places.
The Case For Not Ignoring Your Feels
Tuning into yourself is beautiful. Even if it brings up uncomfortable, painful feelings. Because, that too is a gift. How are any of us going to fill ourselves back up, show ourselves some love, if we don’t even know what makes us happy or sad these days? Turned on or turned off? What direction our wild hearts want to run in? What shape and color our dreams are at this phase of life? How are we going to build rich outer lives, if we don’t tune into the emotional currents flowing inside of us?
Hello. Is it me you are looking for?
When we take even just five minutes a day to focus attention towards our feelings they become less scary, more familiar, even the uncomfortable ones. And, they start to take on the look of a group of old friends you’d be delighted to see on the side of the road. Friends you want to stop and pick up to take to the fun barbecue you are cruising towards on a summer night. (Yes. Even and especially the Eeyore-looking one in the car.)
Most of us would happily spend time listening to our friends and family talk about their feelings and what’s behind them. Because we love them. So why wouldn’t we do that for ourselves as a concrete step to show ourselves that we do in fact love us.
Self love is really the most generous thing you can do for others
I know that spending time just sitting and thinking and feeling can seem like the most selfish, self-indulgent thing we can do. But, it absolutely isn’t. Even though this metaphor is overplayed it still holds true - it is like the airplane oxygen masks. They ask us to affix our own BEFORE putting on one for anyone in our care. Precisely because you will do no one any good if you are passed out from lack of oxygen.
Same thing with love.
If our mission on earth is to love each other, we first have to love ourselves! Start showing yourself you care by listening to your heart!
