I Got Jokes - How To Crush It In The Kitchen

I aspire to be a published author. So much so that I keep a list of different book ideas. One book that I will definitely write is going to be a cookbook called - The Mom’s Guide To Crushing It In The Kitchen. That title has a catchy ring to it - 100% going to be a NY Times bestseller or at least an Amazon trending cookbook.

There are so many topics to cover. Here are a few chapter titles and overviews. Still working on the actual recipes.

1. New Moms - This chapter will be chock full of foods that take zero prep, that you can eat with one hand and if dropped during a particularly rushed re-feeding session won’t burn your exposed breasts or the baby that you are now constantly holding.

Special considerations for simultaneously trying to feed your body to make enough milk to nourish a human AND getting your post-baby body back within 2 weeks will be covered. There will even be a section of foods you can eat with two hands in the shower since that will now be the only time you have to yourself, ever.

2. Moms of Toddlers - This chapter will be full of fun finger foods like DIY fishy crackers, grilled cheeses, and how to make cute fruit and veggie animals. But, no grapes. You monster. Grapes are choking hazards. Are you trying to hurt your child?

Also covered will be how to create gourmet masterpieces from the playful combinations of the scraps your toddler leaves behind but you feel too guilty or frazzled to throw out. You haven’t lived until you’ve eaten PB&J crusts paired with half-eaten dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets dipped in bbq sauce.

3. Moms of School-Age Kids - This chapter will have all the basics about how to prepare a wide variety of nutritious, well-balanced meals for both school lunches and dinner. I’ll include strategies to get kids excited about healthy eating such as involving them in food shopping and prep and serving.

There will then be a super-bonus, Easter egg chapter in here about how that is all a pipe dream and how your kids will more than likely douse all the food you make in ketchup or throw such a fit about trying a brussel sprout that you’ll be happy if they take one bite of Kraft Mac N Cheese and half an apple. Also included, a special highlight to help moms devise strategies for hiding their favorite foods away from the kids and where to enjoy them. Like how to hide your chocolate stash in the bathroom and eat it in your closet!

4. Moms of Teens - This chapter will be about how you need to get a second job to feed your teens and all their friends who are constantly at your house eating your food:) Have you considered selling an organ on the black market? I’ve got the deets.

5. Single Moms - Dual focus in this chapter - How to dial up the pressure on yourself just a little more as a single parent by swearing you’ll cook everything from scratch now to show your kids you got this. Only to realize you don’t got this and come to the conclusion that pizza and burritos and spaghetti are perfectly fine.

Plus a special highlight about how to be so lazy during your non-parenting times that you literally never have to cook or go to the store. This section focuses on how to make a taco or bowl out of almost anything you can find in your cupboard or rolling around in the depths of your freezer or fridge.

Being a mom is hard work. But, with this guide, ALL moms will be able to crush it in the kitchen!